Thoughts on this life I've chosen

 It is currently fall break for my children.  My sister had this great idea to walk around Silver Lake up Big Cottonwood Canyon.  I have SO much history at this particular location.  Rob and I went on many dates there, in the good ole high school days.  I had a friend that had a cabin just around the corner from this and we may or may not have snuck out a couple of times.  Ahhh the days of very little responsibility and maximum drama...I was utterly ridiculous.

 So, now here I am in this same place with this completely different life and highly wisened (the spell check is telling me that is not a word, but I'll decide spellcheck!)  mind, right? Wrong.  I LOVE pictures, you know why?  Pictures show you the positive moments, usually.  We were actually yelling nefarious threats at these children to get them to sit together long enough to take this picture to document our "fun".  I don't feel much wiser in those moments of utter frustration.  I feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum.  I chose this life!!

 And, overall I would say I got what I wanted.  I love my children, as frustrating as they may be.  I love my husband, even though we don't like each other sometimes.  I wouldn't want to live any other life, that's for sure.  I just have to remind myself occasionally.  That's why I love pictures, they remind you.  Memories can be clouded or misconstrued, but pictures are recorded fact, in a way.

 And what better reminder of your blessings, than to see them?  I see you, blessings!!  I just forget sometimes.  It's been a rough few days, forgive my verbal vomit.

 So, this lovely redhead and I took five billion children to take in the beauty of the Earth with it's fall fashion.  It was a gorgeous day.  And, at the end of it all, I am thankful for the things I've learned since Rob and I strolled our teenage selves effortlessly around this place.

My grandma has been struggling with her health, so I feel like our time together is somewhat more limited.  I had my big girl camera with me, so we stopped to visit and capture some moments with her.  She is done with all the crap that harasses my mind.  She is on to body breakdown and widowhood.  It doesn't seem any more appealing, although the peaceful quiet sounds nice.  She is such a trouper, though.  She is not a complainer, my grandma Alice.  I would like to be more like her.

 This was not taken with my nice camera, this was a phone pic of blurriness, but I love it.  She loves her great grandkids and shows, I think, a great amount of patience and enjoyment for small children.  Her perspective must be awesome.

 She is in the last few miles of her mortal marathon.  Bear with me, I ran a marathon recently (my one and probably only) and there are SOOOO many life comparisons to running and particularly to a marathon.  She knows she is close, she can look at us all with an understanding and empathy that I can't yet understand.  I had a goal of 4 hours and 30 minutes, and you can see I didn't make it.  My technical time, listed on the marathon rankings was 4:33.  3 Dang MINUTES!!  When I crossed that finish line those 3 minutes did not matter one fig to me.  I know my grandma has had a rough life, full of things she could beat herself up about, but I DO NOT believe that when she again sees her Savior and her Father in Heaven that she will be thinking of those things.

 I believe that she (and I someday) will be overjoyed that she is done with this hard thing.  I am convinced that I will feel like I did when I crossed the finish line and they put a medal around my neck, elated and so very thankful!!

 I know that I will be reaching out to my family like I am below and smiling with complete joy when I hug them, like I am above!  Will I be focused on that Dag nabbed 3 minutes? No way.  I am not the fastest runner and I was one of hundreds, just another face in the rain soaked crowd.  But, I did my best and I stayed with my partner.  I desperately want to be able to say the same thing when I finish my time on this Earth.

 Even if I yell at my kids,  even if I act like a toddler sometimes, even if I miss some goals, and even if the only people that remember me are my family.  I am giving my personal best and that is good enough.  And, in the meantime, I am going to enjoy the great blessings that are mine...and try desperately to remember what they are.