I'm Obsessing.

ob·sess

əbˈses/

verb

gerund or present participle: obsessing

1. preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent.

   "he was obsessed with the theme of death"

   synonyms:

   preoccupy, be uppermost in someone's mind, prey on someone's mind,prey on, possess, haunt, consume, plague, torment, hound, bedevil,beset, take control of, control, take over, have a hold on, rule, eat up, have a grip on

   • (of a person) be preoccupied with or constantly worrying about something.

     "her husband, who is obsessing about the wrong she has done him"

My quiet little man is dogging my thoughts this week.  I feel so overwhelmed at the prospect of helping him learn to communicate.  It would be so very nice to hear him say his own name.  Sadly, it is not to be and this is his and my normal.  I have been reading on the internet for a couple of hours now, and I feel a little hope mixed with despair.  I found a cool sign for him to wear at the trunk or treat, for all of the well meaning people in our ward that constantly try to talk to him, while he stares at them, unresponsive, and I awkwardly try to explain why he isn't answering them.  I ordered Phonetics for Dummies, and a book written by a girl who grew up struggling with Apraxia of Speech.  I am going to try my best to understand how he feels.  It is a lonely thing to feel the weight of a child's struggles and not have anyone else as shaken as I am.  I just want my children to feel loved and valued by EVERYONE on Earth, is that too much to ask?!?  I know it is.  I'm sure I will see many miracles in Ben's life and learning and I know that at the end of this rollercoaster (see pictures below for confirmation that he is on a rollercoaster) he will be molded into the person that Heavenly Father knows he can be.  I just need to believe and it is so hard.